


Everything is Never Enough

by gulpereel



Category: Kamen Rider Build
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-04
Updated: 2018-04-04
Packaged: 2019-04-18 13:07:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14213814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gulpereel/pseuds/gulpereel
Summary: Katsuragi Takumi wonders when everything started to change and if it's too late for him (him & Gentoku).





	Everything is Never Enough

**Author's Note:**

> Just a small thing but I really wanted to write something gentaku after watching Rogue! Spoilers for the show etc!

Takumi wonders when he first started to fall out of love.

Or, rather, he wonders when he started to love Gentoku less because he knows he still can't fully admit that he doesn't love him anymore. He does certainly understand that his feelings aren't the same recently but there's more at work here than just the feeling of love - it's become a complicated situation in many different aspects. In fact, he wonders why his mind is going to Gentoku when there's so many other issues at hand.

It's been a week since he left Faust but it wasn't really an official thing - he just didn't show up one morning after awaking from a vivid dream that he can't remember the details of but knew it shook him to his core. He'd been having similar dreams in the past month - he knows the scientific explanation is just that he's got anxiety and issues to deal with in real life but he'd just been choosing to ignore it all. That morning felt different however and he just didn't show - he'd spent the rest of the day in his apartment on edge, the curtains drawn and phone constantly in his hand. He felt sick at the tension, waiting for something to explode, waiting for something to go wrong but it never came.

All he got was a text from Gentoku asking if he was okay, asking if he was sick, did he want him to come over with anything and that had just made Takumi feel even worse. He declined Gentoku's offer but in a moment of weakness he replied that he was just under the weather, that he'd take some time off. His hands shook as he texted the lie back and for the rest of the evening he couldn't relax.

Another day passed in a similar state, then another, then on the third day he started to genuinely consider the real possibility of leaving Faust and what it would entail. He thinks about his research, how to hide it, how to make it accessible in the future in case anything happens to him - he thinks about how he can see his mother, who to contact to cross the sky road at such a short notice. The more he thinks about everything, the more it feels right - he feels like he's waking up from one of the dreams he's been having except it's been reality these past few years. It's not an easy thing to experience, suddenly questioning everything you've done up until that moment in time, but he's at least grateful he's waking up before causing any true, widespread destruction he felt like he was on a path towards.

Does he deserve a normal life after this? He doesn't know, but he knows he wants to live and he wants to maybe change the course of what's happening.

It's just today he's began to think about Gentoku in all of this planning and panic and it's making him sit on the sofa with the same anxiety he felt that first day calling in sick with his phone tight in his hands. Should he call the man? Should he text him? Tell the truth? There's so much to say to Gentoku but everything keeps being overshadowed by his mixed feelings. He's scared but also he feels guilty; Gentoku had done so much for him, had been the closest person in his life for so long and, well, their relationship wasn't exactly conventional but it was something special to Takumi.

They hadn't never truly properly gone out on 'dates' or ever called it a relationship but Gentoku had been there late at night with him so many times, had smiled at him in ways that would make Takumi's heart melt. It's not like Gentoku understood exacts of what he was saying but he listened and it's the first time someone in Takumi's life would do that. Things had progressed slowly between then, but their stolen little kisses in the lab, the way Gentoku would look waking up in the early morning in his bed, it makes his heart clench as tightly as his grip on his phone.

This is nostalgia however, and he has to remind himself that it is. Recently, the interactions between them had been less appealing and in all honesty Gentoku had begun to scare him a few months back. Since he first used the transteam gun in front of everyone, had taken on the persona of Night Rogue, Takumi felt something shift between them.

Takumi, in fact, asked Souichi Isurugi if anything had happened lately, casually one evening and the astronaut just shrugged.

"You think somethings wrong then?" He'd asked back with a raise of an eyebrow, leaning back in the office chair he'd just sat in like he owned the place.

"You don't think he's acting differently?"

"Ah, well, maybe, just a tad. He's not very happy about some recent news, a politician that he knew died lately, and, between you and me," there's a little wink, "I'm pretty sure they used to be together."

"His ex...?" But Souichi just smiled in the unnerving way he's known to do and left.

The conversation had stuck with him however. Each day passing he began to take note of ways Gentoku was coming off different, of the ways he was beginning to feel uncomfortable. It wasn't just Gentoku however, it was the whole culture and atmosphere of the lab that was getting to Takumi as well - he no longer felt as excited as when he'd first entered this lab, no longer felt the spark that was there that day. He wonders if it's due to the increase of staff; some of the newer scientists he didn't feel like he could trust in the same way anymore, didn't feel like they were on the same wavelength. He wonders if it's the scale of the operation becoming bigger; it made the reality of his actions seem more real the greater effect they have. Whatever it is though, the small lab had became to feel even smaller, had began to feel stifling when it used to make him feel so free.

The round the clock 24 hour shift splits too made the special evenings he'd had with Gentoku no longer a possibility either and as pathetic as it sounded, it began to make him feel lonely.

Gentoku had come back to his apartment one late night however and Takumi asked him what he saw in the future for Faust, asked him what this is all for. Gentoku had taken his hands into his own then, looked at him with an expression that Takumi had never seen before and told him plans Takumi had never heard before. The hands around his own had clenched tighter and tighter as Gentoku spoke until it was painful and Takumi had to shake them off to which a heavy silence fell upon them. Gentoku had kissed him then but as Gentoku's hands began to unbutton at his shirt he'd pushed the older man away, gave an excuse that he was tired. Gentoku had left then with no real argument but the door shutting was so loud and final in Takumi's mind he couldn't sleep for the rest of the night.

That's probably when Takumi had started to fall out of love - or well, perhaps it's more that his feelings of concern and morality was beginning to step in the way of it. Perhaps this is a sign even, that he's thinking about Gentoku again in all of this, that deep down he wishes he could wake Gentoku up too from this nightmare they've been sharing. It's not too late for Gentoku he thinks, in the same way it's maybe not too late for him either - he shuts his eyes then and leans back into the sofa at that thought. He wonders what future they could've had, could have, if he takes that step and reaches out. Deep down he knows Gentoku still treasures the things he's always spoken about - this country, his home, the future of the people - but he's lost his way and Takumi wonders if he could be the one to help guide him back.

Perhaps it's weak of him but he doesn't want to regret anything anymore - he wants to fix the things he can fix and Gentoku may just be one of them. He opens up Gentoku's messages on his phone and smiles a little at the icon of them together he'd set on his phone. He goes to type, he's not exactly sure what yet but-- there's the sound of his doorbell.

He opens the door to see Isurugi and his heart sinks a little when it's not Gentoku but he invites the other man in anyway. He hopes whatever it is, it's quick.


End file.
